


Clean Up in Aisle 14

by hisfirstnameisagent



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, Modern AU, One-Shot, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, asshole au, this is awful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisfirstnameisagent/pseuds/hisfirstnameisagent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The au where Steve Rogers works in the local grocery store and is tormented by an—rather attractive—asshole who insists on sitting heads of lettuce in random places throughout the store.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clean Up in Aisle 14

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this post on tumblr: http://leafyknockouts.tumblr.com/post/91739429515/more-annoying-asshole-aus-please-like-o-kept
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Steve has worked at this grocery store for exactly seven months and five days. And in that seven months and five days of stocking groceries, spending hours in cold-ass freezers, dealing with the obnoxious little shits that work in customer service, and arguing with supply vendors about where things should go because okay, no, those 12-pack cokes are most certainly not going to look good there, not once has he seen a customer blatantly look him in the eyes and sit a head of lettuce beside a can of strawberry preserves. But that is definitely what is happening right now and this is it, Steve's life has reached a new low.

"What the fuck?" Steve mouths, frozen on his ladder where he's trying to reach a box on the top shelf.

The guy, who's wearing a backwards baseball cap with a white v-neck tee and some way too skinny jeans paired with converse and looks like nothing other than the biggest asshole Steve has ever seen, nods as if to say, 'yeah that just happened' and fucking walks off. He walks off and Steve is stuck between staring at the guy's retreating back and at the head of lettuce sitting in a spot it most certainly does not belong.

Steve almost wants to run up to him and say, "Umm, yes excuse me, but what the hell?" But the last time he tried to run, his asthma kicked in and he's also pretty sure that the guy has about a hundred pounds on him so there really isn't any way that could end well. He huffs loudly as he descends the step-ladder, trying to smile at an old lady that passes by him. He walks over to the lettuce, picks it up, and promptly returns it to the produce section.

"Gotta love customers, huh?" Frank, the produce manager, says.

"Yeah, sure," Steve answers, praying to a higher god that this shift ends quickly.

It happens two more times that week. Steve can't say for sure that it's asshole boy, because he doesn't see him. But, really, who else would get a head of lettuce and then decide on the pet food aisle that they didn't want it and just leave it there? One time, the lettuce is sitting on top of a roll of paper towels on the highest shelf and seriously, this guy is just screwing with him.

"Think it's funny to pick on the short guy, huh?" he mutters, officially making asshole boy public enemy number one.

Which is exactly why when his manager asks if he wants to pick up a few shifts in the produce department next week, Steve jumps on the opportunity. He is gonna catch this guy in the act and he is going to say something about it.

Four days later, Steve is throwing away some bruised apples from the bin when he sees him and really, he shouldn't be surprised, but he is and he drops the apple he has in his hand and it rolls a few feet away. The guy still has his stupid, backwards baseball cap but has decided to trade the jeans and converse for some black workout shorts and Nike tennis shoes and seriously, he looks like he should be a model for Under Armour or something. An asshole model, but a model nonetheless.

The guy catches his eye, smirking and Steve squints. He visibly shakes his head and the guy just nods, walking over to the refrigerated produce section.

"Don't you dare," Steve says, standing up straighter and pushing his shoulders back. He considers taking a goddamn gala apple and chucking it right in the middle of the dude's forehead but that's a whole lawsuit and a half he just isn't ready for.

The guy quirks his eyebrows, almost challenging Steve, and he grabs a head of lettuce. He examines it a bit, throwing it back and forth from hand to hand before firmly grasping it and turning around. He walks away, hips swaying just a little too much and when he looks back to catch Steve staring, he just grins and winks. Steve looks away quickly, face turning redder than the apple he still hasn't picked up off the floor.

He momentarily forgets about the task at hand before reminding himself that the guy is walking off with that stupid lettuce and all be damned if Steve is going to just let this shit continue. He doesn't even know why it bothers him so much. _Hell_ , customers are too damn lazy to put stuff back where it goes all the time. He can even recall a time where someone left a pint of ice cream just sitting in the bread aisle. Given, it was already half eaten, but that's beside the point. This guy is a menace and he reminds Steve a little too much of all those guys in high school who used to pick on him and this is going to end today and right now.

Steve leaves the bin of rotting apples, and man, he is going to get in so much trouble if his manager finds it abandoned. He follows the guy, who continually keeps looking behind him as if to let Steve know that he's aware he's being followed.

The guy finally turns down aisle 14, which is empty and has those goddamn rolls of paper towels and Steve refuses to let this asshole put that lettuce on top of one again because getting a step-ladder from the back is such a pain in the ass.

"Son," Steve says. "Just don't."

The guys stops abruptly, turning and looming at least half a foot over Steve. "I'm sorry," he says, all false innocence and shit. "Wanna say that again?"

Steve steps closer, "I said don't. As in don't put that lettuce down in any place other than the place you got it from. I will follow you around this whole store if I have to."

"Well what if I buy the lettuce?" the guy quips, waggling his eyebrows. "You gonna follow me to my apartment?" He bites his bottom lip suggestively. "My bed is pretty comfy, not gonna lie."

Steve's breath stops short and holy crap, where did he put his inhaler? This asshole is hitting on him in both the stupidest and the cheesiest way possible and no, _absolutely not_. Steve did not spend two weeks hating this human being only to be so easily swayed.

He crosses his arms, cocking his head and saying, "You're barking up the wrong tree."

"Ohh," the guy says, sounding somewhat dejected.

"Not that I have anything against _that_ ," Steve says, quickly and too flustered. "Or against you. I mean, not that I have anything against being against you and okay woah, I _don't_ think that came out the way it was supposed to. I just, I, I've never actually..." He trails off, not knowing what to say and the dude actually has the gall to laugh at him, and yeah, let's just laugh at the virgin. He finally decides on, "Will you please just stop with the lettuce thing?"

The guy tsks, "Shame, I was having so much fun." He's still smiling though as he backs up, sitting the lettuce down in a random spot before turning around and walking off.

Steve most certainly does not think about lettuce boy for the rest of the week and the next time he sees some lettuce just casually sitting beside a loaf of bread, he walks right past it, leaving it for another employee to take care of. And the next time, and the next time after that too.

It's three weeks before he actually physically sees the guy again. It's a rainy day and Steve hears the squeak of his sneakers before he sees him, looking up from where he's crouched on the ground to change prices on a product.

"Hey," the guy says. His brown hair is soaked and stuck out in random places but it's incredibly endearing and Steve stares for probably a lot longer than he should have.

"Are you stalking me or what?" Steve asks, though there's no real accusation in his tone.

"Or what," the guy answers, winking as he crouches down and sits that damned lettuce right in front of Steve's eyes. Steve watches him walk away, and you'd think at this point he'd be tired of staring at the dude's ass, but that's just not going to happen any time soon.

Steve sighs as he goes to grab the lettuce but stops when he notices there's a white, tiny piece of paper stuck onto it. It's wet from the condensation, but Steve can clearly read the phone number on it along with the name 'Bucky'. It's certainly a step up from blatantly asking Steve to have sex with him in his apartment and he'll give the guy props for that; he's making progress. But then Steve remember he doesn't have a phone, because honestly he literally only has two friends and they both live in the same apartment complex as him. He doesn't need to text them. He stands up, rushing down the aisle and to the front of the store, but the guy is already gone and shit, what is he, a ghost?

Two weeks go by and no lettuce in odd places.

Steve misses it.

The guy, Bucky, finally shows up on the third week. Steve watches him walk past the lettuce display and not even so much as glance at it and what the hell? Something is definitely not okay.

Steve walks up to him, a hand on his hip as he asks, "What's your problem?"

Bucky's eyes widen. " _My_ problem?" he asks.

Steve nods.

"My problem," Bucky repeats. "Is this _stupid_ little punk who works at this grocery store I shop at. I've kinda sorta fallen in love with his smile and generally everything else about him and I'd like to maybe take him on a date but I'm bad at these kinds of things and literally the only way to get his attention was to start hiding lettuce everywhere. And I might've given him my number and maybe I was wrong and he isn't into me but it would've been nice of him to text me a simple 'no'."

There's a pause. Steve's heart is pounding.

"I don't have a phone," Steve says.

"Oh," Bucky says.

"Yeah, oh," Steve repeats.

"Well that makes sense, I guess."

"So..."

" _So_."

And Steve most certainly does not sneak Bucky into the back employee's bathroom because it's a Monday and there's literally no one working. And his vision most certainly does not go white when Bucky drops to his knees and blows him right then and there. But yeah, he most certainly does and "this is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life", he says to Bucky, who just laughs before zipping up his pants for him and pulling him in for a demanding kiss.

Bucky tastes like peppermint and maybe cigarettes, Steve isn't sure. But the thought of Bucky putting his lips around a cigarette is enough to half him almost half hard again and "Seriously, Steve," Bucky says.

Steve just shrugs nonchalant and Bucky smiles at him fondly, pulling him in for another kiss. They break apart when Steve's name comes over the intercom and yeah, that's probably not a good thing. It's also not such a good thing when they leave the bathroom together and Jan from the deli is staring at them in a mix of shock and confusion.

"Sorry," Steve says, blushing. Bucky howls with laughter and Steve considers smacking him upside the head, but figures that isn't the best way to treat someone who just gave you a really awesome blowjob. He can't stop staring at Bucky's lips and wow, he really needs to stop or the next three hours of his shift are going to feel like an eternity.

"When do you get off?" Bucky asks, as they walk toward the front of the store together.

"Seven," Steve answers.

"I'll be here," Bucky says. "And you're coming to my place and I'm gonna make a really awesome dinner and we're gonna watch superhero movies because those are my favorite."

Steve smiles, "Yeah. That sounds like a plan."

His eyebrows furrow when Bucky stops mid-stride to pick up some lettuce. "Buck-"

"Don't worry," he says, laughing. "I'm buying it this time." He kisses Steve quickly on the lips, before walking off and yelling, "See you tonight!" And Steve honestly doesn't even care about the ten people around who turn to stare at him.


End file.
